- Stay up late to talk to you.
- Share food with you.
- Say I love you before I hang up.
- Let you call me names.
- Give you a nickname.
- Text you good morning and good night.
- Tease you.
- Can be completely natural around you.
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Reasons to date me:
- ▫ You never have to worry about me not texting you back because I'll double text you more than the average person.
- ▫ You'll get a lifetime supply of neck kisses, butt touches, and cuddles.
- ▫ Whenever you need me I'll be, even if it's at 4 am.
- ▫ You'll never have to question my loyalty or my feelings for you because I'll be lowkey obsessed with you.
- ▫ You won't go a day without being reminded about how much I appreciate you and how beautiful you are.
You must be pretty damn special if I…
i always know when a fic writer has never experienced a hickey
How? It’s not like you’ve experienced one either.
“[Character A] licked and nibbled [Character B]’s collarbone, leaving dark purple spots along the way.”
either they’re tossing away the meaning of “nibbled” for the advancement of smut or they have a solid misunderstanding of hickeys. it takes like four or five straight seconds of hard suction to make a spot “dark purple”.
okay so two options here:
“[Character A] licked and nibbled [Character B]’s collarbone, leaving faint pink spots along the way.”
OR (and this one is better imo)
“[character A] sucked on the skin of [character B]’s collarbone harder than a vacuum on high power, leaving behind appropriately dark purple hickeys”
“[Character A] puckered their lips and absolutely Hoover™’d the life out of [Character B]’s entire neck. ‘You DirtDevil™’ [Character B] said with a breathy sigh.”
so my grandmother just told me a joke…
“Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?”
“I dunno, ‘cause flowers are pretty cool?”
“In loving memory of all the faces that were buried there.”
i just like omg grandMA NO
Grandma yes
If her bra matches her panties when you take off her clothes … It wasn’t you who decided to have sex.
Confession: I have a friend who likes to text me at like 4am when he’s had nightmares or he can’t sleep or he just needs a friend. He thinks I’m always awake at 4am but really I go to bed around 12am and I change his text-tone to the loudest one I have just so it wakes me up when he needs me.
you’re the kind of friend everyone needs
I think that since its been a year since I made this post its time for an update. In the past year I’ve watched this post grow and grow, people I work with have told me about it as “this post I saw the other day” and they have no idea it’s my post. The person I wrote this about has even reblogged it. He is no longer texting me at 4am. Not because we no longer speak but because the nightmares have stopped. He and I both are in a much better place. Most often the only times he’s waking me up at 4am is when he’s pulling me closer to him while we sleep. He’s more than a friend now and I’m forever thankful to have him. Everyone messaged me saying he was lucky to have me but I think I was just as lucky to have him and I would do it all over.
The update just makes it even better ❤️
😢😢😩 OMG. My heart.
if she doesn’t text you when shes drunk then you aint da one
I text you when I’m drunk…
Oh yeah, Mercedes definitely touched her butt. Do you see the alarm in Alycia’s eyes? “Who tf just touched my – oh, this bitch. LOL. Hey boo! Imma get you later. Sorry, that’s my onset bestie who plays too fucking much. Now what we’re you asking?”
That’s what happened, no doubt.
what if ducks threw bread back at you
you’d have to duck
this is one of those posts that makes you step back and re-examine your entire worldview
I was trying to explain to my grandma what being bisexual meant and saying that I looked at ladies butts and she was all
"You’re not GAY everyone checks out ladies rear ends" and my sister was like "I have never wanted to look at a ladies butt"
Later my grandma called me and was like “I THINK I MIGHT BE A LITTLE GAY”
BEST GRANDMA STORY
